Reaching for the phone throughout the day feels normal, yet those quick glances can slowly chip away at the people closest to us. This is how phubbing, which happens when someone is unintentionally snubbed in favour of a phone, slips into daily life. It affects partners by making them feel ignored, and it can be even more damaging for children. Younger kids may experience weakened bonds, while older ones might struggle with lower self-esteem.
Psychologists suggest that instead of blaming yourself for lacking discipline, it is more effective to be intentional about when and why you pick up your device. Kaitlyn Regehr, Associate Professor at University College London, recommends a simple and surprisingly powerful habit to break the cycle. Every time you reach for your phone while with someone, say out loud why you are doing it. When you are done, put the phone down and reconnect.
This strategy works because so much of our phone use happens on autopilot. Messages pop up, notifications slide in, and the impulse to check something “quickly” becomes second nature. By verbalising your reason, such as “I need to check my train times” or “I’m replying to my mum,” you interrupt that automatic behaviour. You also make it clear to the person near you that their presence still matters. As Regehr puts it, “It stops the other person feeling ignored. And it keeps you accountable, because you’re less likely to drift into other apps or endless scrolling.”
How Does Phubbing Affect Relationships?
The impact of these small habits can be deeper than many people realise. Claire Hart, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Southampton, led a study involving 196 people that explored their phone use alongside the health of their relationships. The findings were clear. The more someone feels they are being phubbed, the worse the relationship tends to feel. According to Hart, “Not everyone reacts in the same way. It depends on personality, but once one person feels ignored, it can trigger retaliation. They pick up their own phone, and that’s when it becomes a dangerous spiral as each partner feels rejected or less valued than whatever’s on the screen.”
What begins as a simple glance at a notification can turn into a cycle of disconnection. Each moment lost to a screen takes time to rebuild, and the emotional gap grows wider every time both people retreat into their devices.
What Can You Do to Break the Pattern?
The small act of naming your phone use can help break that cycle. It slows down the impulse, reduces misunderstandings, and reminds both people that the relationship matters more than the screen. Intentional habits like this create space for real conversations and help restore the attention that modern relationships often lack.
With a growing awareness of phubbing and its consequences, making mindful adjustments can protect the connections that matter most.
By Modester Nasimiyu